To Do's

Honomalino Beach was high up on the To Do list

This post is going to be one of those, “here is all the cool shit I’ve done in the past however many days” posts, so if that annoys you, skip this one. 

Seeing as how I only have about six weeks left on the island, I started to get the panicky feeling that comes with having to leave a wonderful place, and am trying to make the most of every day. I made a list of my to do’s and have been crossing them off, or finding myself doing or seeing random things that I didn’t know I wanted or needed to do, and then adding them to the list and crossing them off. 

The "trail" to Honomalino from Miloli'i

Honomalino is a beach about 45 minutes south of the farm that I had been wanting to visit since I got hold of an old guide book, but I hadn’t wanted to go alone. The guide book says that “the beautiful black sand beach is an easy 20 minute hike on a nice trail (they use the term loosely) from a super localized village, and chances are good that if you go on a weekday, you will have the beach to yourself. Don’t be intimidated by the no trespassing signs because all beaches in Hawai’i are public, just drive slow through Miloli’i.” 

As most of my friends around here have jobs, or kids, or both, I couldn’t find anyone to go with me on a Monday. I set off by myself and winded down the steep hill off the highway into the town of Miloli’i, which is known as the last real fishing village in Hawai’i. If you’ve ever spent time in a fishing village, you know they can be kind of rough, maybe a bit depressing, and super interesting. Miloli’i has experienced its fair share of devastation – the area has been hit by multiple lava flows, tsunamis, missionaries, etc. The black scars of the lava flows can still be seen between the lush jungle up onto the mountain side, and down on the water the houses are built on stilts, presumably to avoid tsunamis. 

As I drove through Miloli’i, probably slower than necessary, I saw a pack of dogs fighting over a dead pig carcass. The mauka (inland) side of the road was lined with broken down and rusted out cars, along with some very nice fishing boats. I parked at the beach park and bravely ignored the “NO TRESPASSING” and “KEEP OUT” signs, found the trail and headed for Honomalino beach, but not before grabbing a big stick in case the pack of dogs got bored of the dead pig. I arrived at a beautiful, palm tree lined, black sand beach about 20 minutes later. The bay was calm and the blues of the water bright and brilliant. There was a couple sunbathing naked on the far side of the beach, but other than that I had the place to myself. I went for two nice snorkels but didn’t venture too far out, because I have a weird thing about not wanting to go too far from shore alone on a remote beach. All in all the adventure was fascinating and beautiful and I highly recommend visiting it if you find yourself in the area.

A few days later Monica had gotten us permits to camp at Ho’okena beach, which is one of our favorite local beaches. It is another beautiful black sand beach with good snorkeling and good vibes on a pristine bay. In the morning Monica took Bodhi Kai on one paddle board and I took the other and we paddled out into the middle of the bay to see the Spinner dolphins that come into the bay to rest. I had my mask so I slid into the water to check them out under water. They are such graceful and curious creatures, I watched them watch me, spin under water and launch themselves out of the water to do flips. As I watched the pod swim under water I noticed that one of them looked a little different, bigger and with a vertical tail. I thought to myself, “Hmm that one has a funny head — wait — that is a Hammerhead shark!!!” I was so excited I popped out of the water to tell Monica and Bodhi Kai, but it was already swimming away from us. Seeing a 10 foot Hammerhead shark was not on my list of to do’s but, it is now on, and crossed off the list.

On Friday, I went to Monica's school to help out with lei making and watch the May Day performances by each class. I was happy to see the campus, which is beautiful, and put faces to the names for all the funny stories she tells me. Her students taught me how to make leis, and I almost cried at how cute all the students were singing their Hawaiian songs. I must be getting soft, but it was a really sweet, local experience.

On Saturday I had signed up to do a beach clean up with Hawai’i Wildlife Fund at South Point, where all the marine debris from the Pacific garbage patch washes up. I had my bag all packed and was super excited to get down there and see the wildness, when I got an email from our lead, Megan, saying that the highway was closed because someone swerved to avoid a pig on the road and hit a power pole. I was super bummed but Megan texted me that she was on the same side of the downed pole as me, and was going to clean one of the local beaches if I wanted to join.

I jumped in my car and headed to meet her at Ke’ei beach, another cool, local spot. Spending more time at Ke’ei had been on my list of to do’s, so while I was bummed to miss South Point, I got to cross another thing off the list. Flexibility, younger middle aged grasshopper, I keep telling myself. Ke’ei was delightfully clean, which isn’t always rewarding at a beach clean up, but I kept reminding myself that not finding much trash was a good thing. After an hour or so of combing the beach, Megan and I had a beer, talked story with the old uncles who hang out there all day every day, and went for a stunning snorkel. Before I left, Megan told me that her friend Jodie with HWF does a native seed collection down at South Point every other Wednesday, and I could join for that if I was free.

Cruising with Bondo in the UTV to collect native plant seeds

Coincidentally, I was free all day on Wednesday, so I emailed Jodie with mega enthusiasm about doing native seed collection. She replied back asking me if I was ok with riding down in a UTV with her big dog Bondo. Um, yes. Yesterday morning, I met her down at Na’alehu at 9 AM and she, Bondo and I promptly jumped into the Polaris and headed down the dirt road toward the rugged coast. Jodie is a tropical plant and endemic Hawaiian plant specialist, and I damn near interrogated her about everything from Hawaiian geology to archeology, biology to sociology. Basically we nerded out super hard on the beauty, history and science of the place. She showed me ancient caves where Hawaiians hung out, anchialine ponds where they fished, and a rad spot where they surfed. We collected seeds from 5 different rare and/or endangered endemic plants, which is something I’ve never done before and am now very excited about. 

High tide line at South Point

In the past 19 years HWF has removed 318 tons of trash from the beaches of Hawai’i, and a huge effort has been made at South Point to remove the giant fishing nets, car tires, containers, and large marine debris from the shores. There is still a lot of small plastic trash at the high tide line, but it is a huge improvement from a few years back. That, and the Pacific garbage patch has moved due to La Nina (or whatever) and a lot of that trash isn’t flowing onto Hawai’i’s beaches (for now). I am hoping to get back down to that part of the island to do a trash clean up (and collect more seeds, wooo!) before I leave. 

I can't believe we have to fight for abortion rights in the 21st century

The other thing not on my to do list that I was enraged to have to do was attend a pro choice and abortion rights rally last Saturday. Monica and I made signs and packed up Mahina with a bunch of snacks, and headed down to the side of the highway in Kona town where everyone goes to protest. I felt so much despair at the fucked up going ons of the Supreme Court – and still do – but at least it was heartwarming to stand in solidarity with a hundred or so other pro choice people and let our voices be heard. It was interesting to see the degrees of support from drivers who passed the protest along the way. Based on my loosely calculated observations, I would say 60% of drivers smiled, gave a thumbs up, honked or threw a shaka, which I was pleasantly surprised to see. 30% of drivers actively avoided eye contact and drove through stony faced, 10% gave a thumbs down or middle finger, and a tiny fraction drove past with their jaws dropped. I couldn’t say what their opinion on the matter of abortion is, but either way, they were visibly shocked. 

As you can see, my sign read, “Your need to control women’s bodies is PSYCHOPATHIC.” The fact that women’s rights to control our own bodies are being stripped from us in real time, in the 21st century is sickening. What the fuck is the deal with these controling freaks? If you have any insights, I’m open to ideas, but my opinion isn’t up for debate. While attending an abortion rights rally wasn’t on my list of to do’s, it is now sadly on, and crossed off the list. 

I love these kids

So, yes, a lot of fun adventure has been had, with a sprinkle of political activism (not enough, I know), with some quiet time and lots of good kid time. I leave soon and they are growing up fast, so I have to squeeze them as much as I can… and sometimes they don’t resist.

The Pretirement Life

Hike to the back of Waipio Valley

When I was preparing for my time in Hawaii (what do I even call this time? Extended vacation? Sabbatical? Super Aunty-ing? Pretirement? Piggybacking on my BFF’s realized dream? In any case, labels are so passe) I had an idea of what I would be doing here. Along with nannying and farming, I would be getting more comfortable surfing gnarly waves over shallow coral and lava rock reefs, I would be making lots of friends, partying, dating and doing all the things. It took me a minute to listen to my quiet side (and therapists ha ha, how are they always right?) but I have taken a different path than I foresaw.

I still surf, but I’m creating a much healthier relationship with surfing for myself. Rather than the obsessive, anxiety and identity driven love for the sport than I had, say, three months ago, I’m much more relaxed about it now. Not that I love surfing any less, but it is a calmer love, not the red hot infatuation that I had for the last 19 years (ooof I am a slow learner). It took a bit of rewiring, but I feel much freer to do more things and dare I say maybe someday live somewhere where there aren’t waves (for a little while at least. Maybe).

As for making friends, I have made a few good friends (one with a sailboat!), but I have developed a profound sense of peace going on adventures and doing things alone. Living with a three year old whose favorite question is “Why?” might have something to do with it, but in the past I never would have considered going to a movie alone. A few Friday nights ago I decided to go see Waterman, a movie about Duke Kahanamoku, at the theater in town. You know – culture stuff. When I bought my ticket, the lady at the counter said, “you have to choose your seat. There is nobody else in the theater, but you still have to pick a seat.” Sure enough, not one other person joined me for the film. Ok, Universe, when I said I would go see a movie alone, this isn’t exactly what I meant. Good thing it wasn’t scary. 

Surfing with mon ami

But, when it rains it pours. During the same week, my French Canadian BFF from San Diego, Kera, came out to visit with her parents, and Monica’s sister and her family of four came to stay at the farm. It was great to hang with Kera and her parents, and I got to play tour guide and practice my nonexistent French with her parents, who don’t speak much English. I showed them my local hangouts, we surfed once, and I took them Hilo side to check out the waterfalls and to Hilo town for a nice lunch and stroll around the farmers market. It was nice to have a bit of home in Hawai’i and feel like I know enough of the island to show friends around.

Monica’s sister, Micah, has two kids, who are Bodhi Kai’s best friends (and cousins) so they tore through the farm with a vengeance for a week. Micah and her husband Ari had their 10 year anniversary and renewed their vows, threw a really nice party for the family and were very sweet to include me. I made my famous lilikoi margaritas and we all partied til midnight, which is the latest I’ve stayed up in a long time. 

Needless to say, the next day everyone was a little worse for the wear, which wasn’t helped by the fact that Bodhi Kai got strep throat and by the end of the weekend everyone in the house had some viral or bacterial infection. I was pretty sick for one day and took the better part of a week to feel back to normal. Apparently my immune system can handle the germs of two kids, but not four.

Since then, the farm has been delightfully quiet, save Bodhi Kai’s incessant questions (gotta love the kid) and Mahina’s occasional screeches. The other day Monica’s mom came over so Monica, Ryan and I could clear out the overgrown land down at the bottom of the property. We cut down coffee trees and tore out vines for hours. It was hot and buggy and fun because we talked about all the awesome options for what to do with the land. Banana patch? Fruit trees? Storage shed? And it was a hell of a workout. Is this what it is like to adult? 

The farm's first chameleon

At one point I looked down and saw a chameleon hanging to a branch I had cut down. Ryan has been waiting for five years to see one on the property, and he was so excited he scooped it up and took it up to the house to show Bodhi Kai, who was almost as excited. Ryan tried to convince Monica to let him build an outdoor terrarium for it but Monica was insistent, “No more pets until after we finish construction!” Which hasn’t started yet.

The next day they went out for breakfast, and when they came home Monica had a bunny in her arms. “It was on the side of the road and it obviously isn’t wild so we are going to keep it until someone claims it,” she told me. The next day Ryan bought the materials to build a rabbit hutch and now we have a new pet rabbit, named Dash, Tweak, or Bun Bun, depending on who you ask. 

As for dating, which seems to be what people are most curious about, I have taken all the time and energy that I used to put into dating people and am investing it in myself. I would say something painfully cliche, like, I’m dating myself, but that makes me (and probably you) want to puke. I am focusing on being a whole, happy, healthy human and not forcing any connections or wasting energy on anything that doesn't align with who or what I want to be or do.

My BFF Annette sent me a book for my birthday, Bluets, and one line stuck out to me: “Loneliness is solitude with a problem.” I guess I’m working out the problems because the solitude feels pretty good. 

What Do You Do?

Lilikoi harvest

When people ask me what I’m doing in Hawaii, or how I spend my days, it’s funny how hard it is to answer such a simple question. For example, I sat down to write this post, and then decided I wanted some honey lemon tea, but had to go pick a lemon off the tree. While I was picking a lemon I realized the chickens were out of water, so I gave them water, and right about that time Monica got home with Bodhi Kai, so we made a game out of hunting for lilikoi, because Bodhi Kai is still pretty excited about Easter Egg hunts, and it’s lilikoi season and they are everywhere. It kind of feels like the story, If You Give a Moose a Muffin, except it’s more like, If You Give a Corie a Writing Task. You never know what kind of adventure will pop up, but it will inevitably involve a tasty treat and a beverage of sorts, and hopefully some writing.

In all seriousness, without the structure of a job, it is hard to know what to do, and when to do it. Not to say that I am ever bored, but when you have all the time in the world to do whatever you want in a tropical paradise, what do you do? You sightsee, certainly, you surf and snorkel in the beautiful water, go on epic hikes and poke around the nooks and crannies. But I’ve gotten the most joy out of working on the farm and hanging with the kids. Mahina is growing faster than she knows how to handle (I guess in the parenting world there is something called milestone digressions and now that she is walking she apparently hates sleeping), and Bodhi Kai is too smart for his own good. 

There is something incredibly rewarding about wanting a papaya, and going out with the scythe and cutting one down, or keeping an eye on a rack of bananas until the first one turns yellow, and then hacking the trunk up with a machete and harvesting the bunch. There is something damn near serenity in weeding the pineapple patch while the mosquitoes buzz in my ears and bite my face. Just kidding – mosquitoes are my arch nemesis and I would eliminate them from existence in a second, given the opportunity, but you get the idea.

Occasionally, I still get the panicky feeling like I’m wasting my life or what comes next or what about my 401K, and then I stop and take a deep breath and come back to the here and now, and how incredibly beautiful it is and how damn lucky I am to be right here right now. It puts life into perspective. I had a chat with my wise old uncle the other day, and tried to describe the feeling I’ve been having, of not knowing what I’m doing but knowing that I’m doing something. He distilled it into the simple notion of: Oh, it sounds like you are getting comfortable just being alive. What a fucking concept. 

I truly wish everyone had an opportunity like this in their lives – the time and space to sit with uncomfortable feelings, ideas and memories, and instead of going for the dopamine hit of buying something on Amazon, taking half a Xanax, or scrolling Instagram (all things I have done, so no judgment), acknowledging whatever it is, and then letting it pass. It is a tremendous feeling to have this built in coping skill, which I am still developing (and will be for the rest of my life). Sure, it took me moving to a tropical farm and a lot of seclusion to even get here, but it feels like a burgeoning superpower. That, and Amazon takes forever to deliver here, so it isn’t nearly as gratifying.