When I was preparing for my time in Hawaii (what do I even call this time? Extended vacation? Sabbatical? Super Aunty-ing? Pretirement? Piggybacking on my BFF’s realized dream? In any case, labels are so passe) I had an idea of what I would be doing here. Along with nannying and farming, I would be getting more comfortable surfing gnarly waves over shallow coral and lava rock reefs, I would be making lots of friends, partying, dating and doing all the things. It took me a minute to listen to my quiet side (and therapists ha ha, how are they always right?) but I have taken a different path than I foresaw.
I still surf, but I’m creating a much healthier relationship with surfing for myself. Rather than the obsessive, anxiety and identity driven love for the sport than I had, say, three months ago, I’m much more relaxed about it now. Not that I love surfing any less, but it is a calmer love, not the red hot infatuation that I had for the last 19 years (ooof I am a slow learner). It took a bit of rewiring, but I feel much freer to do more things and dare I say maybe someday live somewhere where there aren’t waves (for a little while at least. Maybe).
As for making friends, I have made a few good friends (one with a sailboat!), but I have developed a profound sense of peace going on adventures and doing things alone. Living with a three year old whose favorite question is “Why?” might have something to do with it, but in the past I never would have considered going to a movie alone. A few Friday nights ago I decided to go see Waterman, a movie about Duke Kahanamoku, at the theater in town. You know – culture stuff. When I bought my ticket, the lady at the counter said, “you have to choose your seat. There is nobody else in the theater, but you still have to pick a seat.” Sure enough, not one other person joined me for the film. Ok, Universe, when I said I would go see a movie alone, this isn’t exactly what I meant. Good thing it wasn’t scary.
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But, when it rains it pours. During the same week, my French Canadian BFF from San Diego, Kera, came out to visit with her parents, and Monica’s sister and her family of four came to stay at the farm. It was great to hang with Kera and her parents, and I got to play tour guide and practice my nonexistent French with her parents, who don’t speak much English. I showed them my local hangouts, we surfed once, and I took them Hilo side to check out the waterfalls and to Hilo town for a nice lunch and stroll around the farmers market. It was nice to have a bit of home in Hawai’i and feel like I know enough of the island to show friends around.
Monica’s sister, Micah, has two kids, who are Bodhi Kai’s best friends (and cousins) so they tore through the farm with a vengeance for a week. Micah and her husband Ari had their 10 year anniversary and renewed their vows, threw a really nice party for the family and were very sweet to include me. I made my famous lilikoi margaritas and we all partied til midnight, which is the latest I’ve stayed up in a long time.
Needless to say, the next day everyone was a little worse for the wear, which wasn’t helped by the fact that Bodhi Kai got strep throat and by the end of the weekend everyone in the house had some viral or bacterial infection. I was pretty sick for one day and took the better part of a week to feel back to normal. Apparently my immune system can handle the germs of two kids, but not four.
Since then, the farm has been delightfully quiet, save Bodhi Kai’s incessant questions (gotta love the kid) and Mahina’s occasional screeches. The other day Monica’s mom came over so Monica, Ryan and I could clear out the overgrown land down at the bottom of the property. We cut down coffee trees and tore out vines for hours. It was hot and buggy and fun because we talked about all the awesome options for what to do with the land. Banana patch? Fruit trees? Storage shed? And it was a hell of a workout. Is this what it is like to adult?
At one point I looked down and saw a chameleon hanging to a branch I had cut down. Ryan has been waiting for five years to see one on the property, and he was so excited he scooped it up and took it up to the house to show Bodhi Kai, who was almost as excited. Ryan tried to convince Monica to let him build an outdoor terrarium for it but Monica was insistent, “No more pets until after we finish construction!” Which hasn’t started yet.
The next day they went out for breakfast, and when they came home Monica had a bunny in her arms. “It was on the side of the road and it obviously isn’t wild so we are going to keep it until someone claims it,” she told me. The next day Ryan bought the materials to build a rabbit hutch and now we have a new pet rabbit, named Dash, Tweak, or Bun Bun, depending on who you ask.
As for dating, which seems to be what people are most curious about, I have taken all the time and energy that I used to put into dating people and am investing it in myself. I would say something painfully cliche, like, I’m dating myself, but that makes me (and probably you) want to puke. I am focusing on being a whole, happy, healthy human and not forcing any connections or wasting energy on anything that doesn't align with who or what I want to be or do.
My BFF Annette sent me a book for my birthday, Bluets, and one line stuck out to me: “Loneliness is solitude with a problem.” I guess I’m working out the problems because the solitude feels pretty good.
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