Lighter in the Dark

 

Sitting on the dock of the bay, wasting time

One thing I’ve been working on, and am taking a while to become accustomed to, is having less distractions in my life. It is weird to not constantly be hanging out with a wonderful group of friends. It is a little unsettling to receive, maybe two texts in a day. It is strange to spend so much time alone. Yet, I’m not lonely. In fact, I’m feeling more comfortable with myself, alone in my own skin, than I think I ever have been. And whereas I want to make the most of this free time that I have, to make it productive and to have something to “show” for it, I’m also getting used to just… being.

A few years ago I deleted Facebook because I couldn’t stand the fact that the platform was used to influence the 2016 election and promote fascism in the U.S. (and abroad). Want to know more? Start here. About a year ago, I deleted Instagram, because it is owned by Facebook, now “Meta,” and because I felt like I was judging myself compared to other people’s online lives. It was like breaking an addiction to delete the platforms, and it made me feel isolated and in the dark of my communities’ going ons. That said, it also made me feel lighter and blissfully unaware of the aspects of people’s lives that should have had absolutely no impact on me (but still did, ya know?). True, I lost a lot of the contacts I made over my years of traveling, but if anyone is curious as to my whereabouts, they can Google “Corie Schneider” and find my dear diary right here. Sure, they have to make an effort to know what I’m up to, and I’m guessing most people don’t care, and that’s fine! But it’s out there.

On Friday night, my friend Jenny (who I met online but you can ask me about that story in person), invited me to go to Bike Polo at the old airport. Sounds weird, I’m in. I met her and our friend Liz there, and while I didn’t participate, I watched people whip around on bikes, hitting a ball into goals with a mallet, and occasionally crash into the side of the rink or each other. The best part was meeting the people who play bike polo, who I’m sure you can imagine are super fun, outgoing and adventurous people. I asked Jenny how she found out about bike polo, and she said, “Before I moved to Kona I joined every Facebook group with the word “Kona” in the title, and this group just looked like a super fun bunch.” Very smart, I told her. I chatted with Alex, the founder of the Friday Night Bike Polo Group, or whatever, and he told me about all sorts of fun and wild activities that they do. “Check us out on Facebook,” he said, “we post all our adventures there, and you can join any of them.” Tempting.

Ladies of the Lot, My Bar Kona

After bike polo, the three of us went to a drag show at the local gay bar, which I’m pretty sure Liz found out about through FB or IG. Ladies of the Lot was staged in the parking lot of My Bar Kona, and it was fun and heart warming to be a part of and support the LGBTQIA community. The brutal honesty and humor of the queens was an appropriate reminder of how tragically hard Black, trans women have it – being the subject of transphobia, racism and misogyny – I would say particularly on a small island like Hawai’i, but really, fucking everywhere. To become more educated on why we need to support and protect (all, but specifically) Black, trans women, read this article: https://harvardcrcl.org/americas-war-on-black-trans-women/. 

Back at the show, I met a cute lesbian couple and I asked them how they met (a favorite question of mine). “Oh, she posted in my Facebook group about Hilo Pride, so I decided to meet her.” Aha. A while back I asked one of Monica’s friends how she met her boyfriend. “He was a friend from high school and commented on my picture on Instagram saying he moved to the Big Island too, so we started hanging out.” Who knew Meta was the source of so much love? Maybe that’s why I’m single ha ha. 

Two days ago, my sister sent me a screenshot of her Facebook account, showing that our cousin Shira was visiting the Big Island. I immediately texted Shira, and had a great time showing her and her husband around my part of town (yes, it’s mine now) yesterday. If not for Caity relaying the info, Shira nor I would have had any idea we were in each other’s vicinity. 

So. Am I missing out on social interactions, meeting or reconnecting with great people, and knowing what my friends and family are up to? Absolutely. Am I forced to spend more time with myself, in my own head, learning to explore uncomfortable ideas and quiet my own thoughts, not with distractions but with meditation, journaling, and other here and now activities? Absolutely. Am I considering rejoining one or more social media platforms to make traveling more easy? Yes… but I’m not there yet. For now, I am still enjoying the quiet and solitude. That said, texts from friends and family make my day, so please feel free to drop me a line.